I have become Rubenesque. That is to say, I have gained a lot of weight in the last few years. It wasn’t intentional, as it rarely is. It was a side effect of trying a lot of different medications, being inactive, and then being physically unable to be active for a long time. Now, a lot of the meds I’m on have the potential for weight gain and I haven’t been inspired to work out since the summer, kicked in the butt by depression and agoraphobia until recently, so I’m kind of stuck. Changing my diet and exercise regimen will make a difference but there’s the leftover effects of the meds. Brings new meaning to “fat and happy.” Continue reading “Rubenesque”

Snow Day & Meds


Today the world is shutting down around me because of the massive snowstorm hitting the East Coast. It means I have the day at home to do whatever I need to do, and I find myself not knowing what that is. I have two midterms next week that I need to be preparing for, so I can try and figure that out for a while. I am tired though. I was exhausted all day yesterday, even through the Adderall. Everyone on campus seems to be sick, so maybe I’m catching something. Or maybe it’s just another dip. I did find myself thinking very dark thoughts yesterday, in flashes that left as fast as they appeared. They’re nothing that I would act on, just thoughts, but disturbing nonetheless. It’s hard to be sitting in math class, trying to follow along, when you can barely keep your eyes open and your brain feels like it’s on a spin cycle. I feel emotionally dizzy: not quite balanced, not quite off balance. Continue reading “Snow Day & Meds”