Loss, grief, family, future

bipolar

Carrie Fisher’s death hit me harder than I thought it would. She was a trailblazer, an accomplished author, actress, speaker, general badass. I was drawn to her after I discovered her autobiographical books, the first being Wishful Drinking. Like the Bloggess said, “She never lost her battle with mental illness.” Carrie wasn’t afraid to share everything, including her very intimate battles with her MI, and part of that instinct has to come from wanting to help others. She emboldened me to seek the right treatments when I was really desperate and I didn’t feel so alone when I was reading her books. She became a friend to me in a time of need. I wish we could have known her longer. Continue reading “Loss, grief, family, future”

Expectations and Regression

'...And for future reference, Mr. Glynn, you don't need to 'get in character' for regression therapy.'

Christmas wasn’t as scary as I thought it would be. It wasn’t easy either. I’ve given myself permission to take breaks to recharge just because I haven’t been around people much lately. Husband was helpful and supportive, and asleep. A lot of what I expected came true though. People were concerned about what I’ve been doing and how I’ve been because they haven’t seen me, and they were concerned about the future and how I’ll function. These are all valid concerns, ones that I share. But I’m trying to be positive. Things are different for me than they used to be. For one, the ECT really changed my brain and I don’t think that’s something that just goes away. Continue reading “Expectations and Regression”

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!

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It’s a beautiful, sunny day on Long Island. The tree is up and lit, the sun is streaming through the giant windows of my parents’ house, I’ve been awake since 5:30, and only my mother and the dogs are awake. We have been discussing random things, including where to move next year when our lease is up, my upcoming school program, and the blog. Continue reading “Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!”

Christmas Eve Storytelling

24) Pick a song, a favorite or completely at random and use a line of the lyrics as a title of a short story. Write about whatever the lyrics bring to mind.  Continue reading “Christmas Eve Storytelling”

20/20

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21) I am grateful for my sense of sight because…

I didn’t always have it like I do now. I had poor vision, could barely see clearly a foot in front of my face. I lived in glasses and contacts, got used to dry eye and headaches, all the usual run around for those of us genetically blessed. But when I hit my mid 20s I was eligible for Lasik. Your eyes stop changing around 24-25 so professionals are willing to do corrective surgery when you reach that age. I can’t remember what the specific year is. It’s been a while. So instead of Lasik I opted for something called PRK. The difference is with Lasik they make an incision and lift a flap of tissue to get the laser in to the deeper level of the eye. With PRK it’s more like they use the laser as a sandblaster, no incision, and they wear down the outside of the eye through to the lower levels. Continue reading “20/20”

Some advice and wise mind

20) What is some of the best advice you have ever received?

On my first day of college my adviser said to us, “Don’t worry about what you say. Everyone else is as concerned with what they have to say, so no one is as focused on you as you think. Don’t be afraid to speak.” Continue reading “Some advice and wise mind”