Out of the Woodwork

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The most interesting thing about sharing my blog has been the response. So many people have come to me privately with stories they think I’ll “get” because of what I write here (and I do!) and others have simply come back out of nowhere to offer support and kind words of encouragement. It’s heartening. What I love most is that it’s exactly what I hoped to do. I just wanted to be a part of the larger conversation about mental health so that other people, either affected or just open-minded, would be a part of it as well. Continue reading “Out of the Woodwork”

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Strength in Oversharing

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I am a master of oversharing. This blog is a testament to that fact. I struggle with finding a balance between the whole truth and appropriate conversation all the time. How much can I share with this person? How soon can I say certain things? What is appropriate at this level of intimacy? Omg, did I really just say that? Crap. Continue reading “Strength in Oversharing”

I wasn’t sure I could

An exercise from my narrative medicine workshop:

“I wasn’t sure I could”

I wasn’t sure I could survive, the pain, the stress, the loneliness.

I wasn’t sure I could recover after my neck broke, my back broke, my spirit broke.

I wasn’t sure I could ever be the same person who I was before.

But then I realized that I wasn’t sure I could be the person who I was before.

Something had changed me, had changed within me, and I was no longer stuck in the dark.

I developed purpose. I created goals. I saw a future.

I wasn’t sure I could get there, but that was OK. I didn’t need to be sure, I just needed to try.

In the trying, I can.  

The hole inside me: Miscarriage and loss Pt. 1

 These are stories of miscarriage. They are visceral and very intense. Please be prepared for graphic language and potentially disturbing imagery.

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By Anna H. at Sleepy Dolphin

 

The first time I figured out I was pregnant was a total surprise. It wasn’t planned, it was just one of those things. I had such bad morning sickness that I could barely go to work. Once we found out, we had a conversation but decided that we both wanted to go forward with the pregnancy. We even told our parents. We had just started living together, but we knew already that this was it. It was about eight weeks in when I went to an ob/gyn appointment and they discovered that the fetus hadn’t grown. My Dr. wasn’t the best at bedside manner, so she basically said, “We’ll see what happens but we’ll probably wait for the uterus to empty itself.” So, I had to go home, devastated, and just wait for the inevitable to happen.

Continue reading “The hole inside me: Miscarriage and loss Pt. 1”

Fever dreams

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Borderline Personality Disorder comes with a fun list of potential symptoms. One of which is called dissociation.”According to The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fourth Edition, Text Revision (DSM-IV-TR) ninth criterion for borderline personality disorder is “transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms” (American Psychiatric Association, 2000, p. 654),” Colin Ross in the Journal of Trauma and Dissociation. If you want to read a full Wiki article about it, click here. So what does that all actually mean? Continue reading “Fever dreams”

Shame, shame, shame

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Today I am dealing with serious feelings of shame. In my impulsivity, I wrote that one line e-mail to my TA. “OR maybe the class could be more informative and the homework could be more related to the exams. Just a thought.” I got this in response:

“I’m sorry you feel that way. As a TA, I don’t decide what is on the syllabus, homework or on the exam. If you have any questions or concern, feel free to stop by Li’s office hour or Help room on Thursday morning. I’ll be happy to explain things to you regarding questions on the homework or practice exam. I have forwarded your thought to your teacher. In the future, I think It is better that you share your thoughts directly with him instead of through me. Have a good weekend!”

This is the guy who 1) told us a problem on the practice exam was just wrong, when it wasn’t. And 2) has no idea how the professor teaches so when he taught us he taught us completely different methods, confusing us right before an exam. 3) Flat out said, go get extra help. Continue reading “Shame, shame, shame”