6) “Would you rather be less attractive and extremely intelligent or extremely attractive and less intelligent? What do you think the pros and cons of each combination would be?”
I would definitely prefer to be less attractive and extremely intelligent because I feel like intelligence can be applied in wider ways than beauty, and with more benefit to the human race as a whole. If I could be a prodigy solving the complexities of the energy crisis but have a seriously homely appearance, I would be absolutely fine with that. On the downside, people are very judgmental and it would be difficult sometimes to overlook the negativity of others, I would imagine. Being attractive but not super intelligent has its benefits as well. For one, pretty people are treated more nicely. This is just a simple truth. You can gain a lot of fame just for being good looking, and with fame comes power and influence, so you could do a lot of good in other ways by using beauty to your advantage. Additionally, I think the less intelligent you are the happier you can be. There’s a reason we say ignorance is bliss. It is appealing to think about being not quite so smart but consequentially happier. However it might get annoying to be objectified, especially if you have other interests and no one takes you seriously as a result.
7) “List as many things that you can see right now that you are grateful for.”
If I actually listed everything in my apartment, it would take a million years so I will simplify.
I am thankful for the belongings that I am lucky enough to have, from entertainment to necessities. I can eat what I want when I want (looking at takeout). The dogs are here and I love them more than should be possible. I am grateful for the internet which connects me with so many of the people that I love. Grateful for the medicine I take that keeps my head balanced and out of the “you should kill yourself” place. I have clothes to keep me warm, books to keep me alive, bicycles to keep me in shape and happy, a giant teddy bear from an old friend who takes up a shocking amount of space, wedding gifts (customized art and photos and whatnot), a Disney painting of Stitch (my only fine art), Diet Coke, DBT handbooks, my journal/scrapbook, my nifty filtering Brita water bottle, Xanax, a large stuffed Chocobo, a beautiful purse that was a gift from my parents, Fritos, Christmas cards, a roof/walls/rooms/bed/fridge, and a huge speaker system that was a gift from the Hubs for me to rock my jams (that’s what the kids say right?).
8) “What do you need to accept?”
Reality. Myself for who I am and the things I’ve done and that have happened to me. That everything is not my fault and I am not a terrible person. Whatever my issue, I deserve basic human respect. I really need to work on accepting that the last few years happened and everyone knows about it. That’s part of this project. I accept that there are many things I need to change about myself and my life. There is much more that I could be doing right now, but I’m not and that is OK for now as long as I am working towards improvement. I lost two pregnancies and that doesn’t have to kill me. It’s still such a taboo subject, I feel like it’s so hard to talk about. I never like bringing it up. But that likely means that I haven’t accepted them for what they are: understandably difficult losses. The trouble is that I had such an extreme reaction after the second one that I landed myself in the hospital and almost dead. When we got married I was deep in the throes of darkness, so I missed that event in some ways. But these are things that happened and there is no reason to live in the past. I’d like to accept that it happened, there is no shame in distress or mental illness, and then be free to move on to the next thing without obsessing about something that I cannot change. I have flaws, I can change, and that is OK. (You are good enough, you are smart enough, and gosh darn it, people like you!)